the first thing, of course, would be facial hair
i'd have a beard that others would spite.
paired with a mustache long and fair
and a head bald and bright
i would never wear a shirt
i would be the biggest flirt
i'd wear pants down to my knees
play x-box all day
not care what i weigh
and eat pickles with whipped cream and cheese
i'd wear brown with black
eat a big mac
play football with "the guys"
i'd be ready in 10
TV's my best friend
and eat twinkies with ketchup and fries
i'd call girls hot
and talk of megan fox
through all the hours of my life
black eyes and a bruise
and cuts that ooze
wouldn't cause me any strife
i'd never call back
i'd just talk smack
and not think about what's going on next
i'd have no plan
probably drive a van
and not do my senior project
i'd never ask "does he care?!"
'cos in my head, nothing's there
my conversation of choice would be bacon
i'd know all about cars
and sports and guitars
and homework? eh, i'll just fake 'em.
and so in a girl's life
though there's all this strife
of makeup and dresses and why's
i'll stick with my heels
'cos to me it appeals
i'm glad i'll never be a guy
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