Sunday, September 25, 2011

my patronus


What am I? in the split second of the eternity backwards and forwards, I exist. All the particles of this earth and millions more just like it make up the number of god’s creations. I am one of those particles. Nothing. Smaller and less important than a penny floating in space. A drop in an ocean millions of times bigger than this world. Who am i? I’m a daughter of god. And despite the vastness of the universe, despite the fact I am just a face among trillions of faces among trillions of things in this universe, Christ loves me more than I understand.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Kelly's New Favorites :D

smelled so sweet like summer in the air

this song makes my heart ache. i love when a song catches your feelings and you connect it with a certain memory or an almost-happening. this is how i feel. trying to find a place, a thought, that can somehow keep you from falling, you still feel detached from everything, but hopeful for a time when what has happened doesn't matter and all you have is you and him.

there is a time for everything, a hope for the future, but to be happy now, we have to say goodbye. and don't you just HATE it? 

this song makes me feel awesome. 
i just adore Mika. there are no words. i want to listen to this song every second of every day.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

My Older Brother

"May we ever follow the Prince of Peace, who literally showed the way for us to follow, for by doing so, we will survive these turbulent times. His divine plan can save us from the dangers which surround us on every side. His example points the way. When faced with temptation, He shunned it. When offered the world, He declined it. When asked for His life, He gave it." Thomas S. Monson

Monday, September 12, 2011

Holden and I

I have never really liked the book Catcher in the Rye. I always understood why it was banned, but never why it was considered a great work by many people. Then something happened last night that I know I won’t soon forget. There was a moment where the world was shown to me not as I have always seen it, but as it really is. Not through the rosy glasses my mother gave me at birth, not through my hopeful eyes, always searching for the best, but I saw it with the understanding given to someone who is meant to realize something. I saw the darkness more clearly than I ever had before, the doubt and the sin in everyone’s eyes. And I not only wanted to be closer to God, closer to what he wanted, closer to His happiness, closer to my Father, but I also began to feel a love, one that I didn’t understand yet, growing inside me. And I knew I wouldn’t understand until someone was completely mine, until I cared more for someone else than I did for me. Until i had someone I would give my life to save from the darkness of this world. Suddenly, I felt as Holden once did. Wanting to stand next to him in that field, desperately trying to keep others from running off. To help them realize what they were running to, not realizing how great the field was. I wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

it's been fun... but i mustache

of all the creations in all the worlds that fill the sky, i was able to meet you. i was able to love you. and as i sit here alone, having conversations with the stars, i ask them if you are sitting somewhere, looking up and thinking of me. i ask if you are lonely as well, missing the time when the stars were the background to our musings. now they only have one heart to watch. a heart that misses one beating beside it. maybe beating a little faster than it should. although the heavens are open above me, although the crickets whisper secrets into the wind, although the grass hums and crackles in the soft warm breeze... your eyes, your touch, your voice, your heart beside mine, is all i want.
here is a list that i agree with. except for #10.

i am separate. the stillness and the silence tears me away from all the things that strain for my attention. i travel closer to the natural things of the world. things closer to my heart because they are closer to the raw, fresh, original version of me. it's not my surroundings, but my decisions that distances me. the choice to pull away and dare to be different.