Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 13

#13 - chaaaaaaleeeeenge. so today i'm going to tell people what i think about them. and i don't mean "you're fat, ugly, and i hate you" who wants to hear that? who wants to say that? what i mean is, if you have an amazing best friend who you just love, tell him/her that you really appreciate their company, their smile, their advice. tell them what you think. be grateful and polite. it makes you realize how much you love them. :) i'm planning on telling my dad, my mom, my little circle of friends, (including Aubs. my bestie) and of course, Jordan. but you don't have to stop there, if there's an inspiring teacher and you just love going to his/her class, tell them why you love their class and how much you appreciate the way they teach. some people may not realize how much you look up to them. if some random person in your class is a good example to you and to others, tell him/her that you appreciate the way they treat others or whatever. :) it's really nice to do and it feels great. win win! (and who doesn't like a win win!?!) i know this is cliche (the dreaded word...) and that you knew i was going to do this... but i couldn't help myself :) "say what you need to say" by john mayer-

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much (unless you're doing challenge 12)
\Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say

well,  i wrote a letter to Jordan. it was nice to just say what i really felt. and none of it was pessimistic or in bad taste. i told Erin Orchard that she is positively adorable (and she is) and i told my best friend that she is my best friend and why she is my best friend. it can seem embarrassing to tell people what you think about them and to put your heart out there like that. word to the wise: don't do what i did! i used indirect means to tell these people what they mean to me. it is most meaningful and sincere when you talk face-to-face. i think this world is so connected, we are becoming disconnected personally. so, say what you need to say, but say it personally. and besides, if you're telling a hot guy what he means to you, wouldn't that be so much better if you could have an excuse to talk to his attractive face?

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 12

#12 - i am a talker. always have been. sometimes i talk myself into a bad situation, sometimes i say too much. i think to myself 'man, i'm so annoying' but do i shut up? no. today is all about listening. stop talking for once kelly! listen to others. it's similar to the last challenge... but this one isn't talking about yourself less, it's about talking less in general. listen. even to the silence. you might learn something. it reminds me (for some reason) about the movie Sabrina. ever seen it? there's a quote:

Sabrina : No one ever stops... The whole place. And it's like everything is asleep... and... I used to walk everywhere in Paris. I used to walk from Montmartre down into the center of the town. Along the Seine there is a 4-mile wall that goes from Isle Saint Germain to the Pontde Bercy. Takes you past all the bridges of Paris, 23 of them. Then you find one you love and you go there everyday with your coffee and your journal, and you listen to the river.

Linus : What does it tell you? 

Sabrina : That's between me and the river.

 hmmm... yeah, it reminds me of that for some reason. so listen to the quiet, your mom, your best friend. be a friend. sometimes you don't have to say something to your friend to comfort them. sometimes words are too much. 

ok so, it was pretty funny how this went down. i woke up today and i was the only one home. mom visiting her cali friend, dad and the boys skiing. sister at a sleep over. so i spent pretty much the whole day not only alone but also very silent. it was nice. for a while. just sitting there and taking in the silence. i have 5 siblings and a loud mom so it is very rare that my house is quiet (which is probably why my BF loves my house so much because he's the youngest and only one at home. very quiet) but after a while, i started getting cabin fever. my best friend was out of town, my dad didn't want me to use the car because of the crazy snowstorm, and my BF was unpacking. so me and the silence got to be very good friends. i thought about a lot of stuff and later that night when i was with jordan, i listened to him a lot and if felt nice. :) i talk way too much, and jordan is super smart and knows just what to say. so i should prolly listen to him more....

Prose Poem - Creative Writing

I’ve always enjoyed trains. The way they rattle and chant over the tracks so steadily. As we clatter past the blurred scenes of trees, valleys, and houses, I close my eyes, forehead pressed against the cool, smooth glass. Eyelashes and pupils reflected like a ghost on the outside view. I wake as he squeezes my hand. We are in the station. Steam and voices crowd the space until the claustrophobia sets in. a young girl outside holds a small bag. She can’t be older than 18. She looks frantically around and then drops the bag as she spots a woman who can only be her sister. They pull each other tightly into a hug. I can barely read the lips that say “I’m sorry” over and over. A young woman, stomach slightly expanded, stretching her yellow dress, sits on a bench with her head in her hands. The station has reached its peak of noise and chaos and now is starting to quiet. We wait in our seats for our engine to start again. The station is almost empty, with pretzel bags and napkins littering the floor. A young man comes out of a small train car, and walks towards the woman on the bench. Her face lifts and a smile breaks over it. She reaches up and gently kisses him. His face remains stone. She stands up, a question on her face. He speaks to her and her face falls to match his. She shakes her head, one hand over her mouth, holding in sobs, the other protecting her stomach. She picks up her bag and slowly turns. He reaches out to her, but she leaves anyway, leaving him in the dim light of the platform. I tear my eyes from the scene outside. I squeeze the hand that’s holding mine, looking up to his face. He was distracted, looking to the opposite window where another train just pulled up. Once he feels the urgency of the pressure on his hand, he turns to me and gives me a smile that reaches his eyes. Trust.

ABC Poem - Creative Writing

Always, in the distance, i hear a small noise. Barely audible over the whirring of my thoughts and the rushing of blood through my ear. Carefully... i pick the sound out of the rustle and clangs of the world around me. Distant. Evasive. Further than any place I’ve ever gone; the store to pick up another gallon of milk, grandma’s house for Sunday dinner, under the bridge, behind the school where I was dared to kiss Kyle Vager. Growing faint as I try to reach it, the sound plays with my mind. Hear it? I swear I can. Just beyond the horizon. Kelly. Listen. Makes my feet want to move and my mind think past the dull, monotony of the small town around me. Nobody hears it? Of course not. Preoccupied as they are with everyday things; newspaper, coffee, drive, sit, work, repeat. Quietly I hear it calling. Restless I feel to go to it. Still, my heart falters. Tomorrow, I say, but the sound is persistent. Until I try, how will I know? Very slowly, as if time itself is holding me back, I follow. Why wait? Xactly. You are enough, you are different than the others. Zipping by my old town… but I hesitate on the threshold… then plunge into the unknown, never to return again.

Hate Poem?

(read every other line and it's a love poem! i don't know who wrote it... but it wasn't me!)

If you think I like you,
You are so wrong!
You are right
To always stay far away from me.
I truly think that you are
Crazy! It is
Amazing
That you can do anything right.
I DO NOT want you to
Talk to me ever again or
Just be my friend.
I hate you! Don’t mistake that for
I like you!

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 11

#11 are we into the double digits now? righteous! (apparently i didn't notice that on day 10...) so today, you will have to go through the day cutting back on all the times you say I, ME, MY, all that stuff. talk about others. people really like talking about themselves... (everyone (i'm pretty sure) is really self-centered (not like that's a bad thing, we just have our interests on top priority)) so talk to some one about them, ask them questions, they will love taling about themselves and they will think you're the best person in the world. my mom is really good at this. she is the most selfless person ever. she always asks questions on how I am doing. focus on others and maybe you'll learn something interesting about some one... bonus points to anyone who goes through the whole day without talking about themselves. :) you win... um... a smiiiiile! :)

alright. i didn't win a smile... i did talk about myself a bit... sorry! i'm a self-centered teen.. what can i say? but i had a nice chat with Matt Simmonds, whom i love. he's just great. but i think he's too cool for me. haha. but i learned some things about him that i didn't know. so that was fun :) i am interested in other people, what they do, their background, what they want to be. i think it's fascinating. i think there's a time in our lives when we think that everybody is like us. then we start to meet people and think... "wow, not everybody wants to save the rain forest" or "i had no idea not everyone liked oreos" (i found out that my friend doesn't like those and i nearly passed out) it's good to learn about what other people think. because, who knows? you might like someone's ideas better than yours. :)

lyrics of the day! Come Away - Crash Kings

(i saw these guys in concert. they were really cool. they opened for Anberlin and i had never heard of them before. i really enjoy their music :) 

32 degrees on a winter's day
Think about it for a second
And feel the cool, cool breeze on your neck and then
Think about it for a second
If there ever was a day that you should get away
I feel it in my bones I think today's the day
And you can't back down
Take the chance to leave behind
A single dance in the snow
Between the trees
You will know the sound of nothing

Come away on this winter's day
We are going to ride again
And buckle in get you suited up
Its time to fly

82 degrees on a summer's day
Take a minute and remember
with the cool, cool breeze in your head again
Take a minute and remember
If there ever was a day that you should get away
I feel it in my bones I think today's the day
And you can't back down
Take the chance
To leave behind
A single dance
You will know the sound of nothing


(i like how it repeats but it's kinda different the second time. i won't tell you what these lyrics mean to me, i want to let you think what you want about these lyrics.)

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 10

#10 - this one is open ended... think of a motto for your life. now it just might be the motto for your life right now. heaven knows my life changes and i need a different motto for the changing phases of my life. so think about your life. think about what you want out of this time in your life. whether you just got married, just heard that your best friend died, or you just retired to spend the rest of your life with that one special person you love. there is a motto that everyone lives by.. they just might not put it to words or think about it. it's what you live everyday. it's what you believe in and what you want out of life. :)

alriiiight! my motto is... are you ready? (drumroll please... this is going to be really intense, i don't know if you can handle it... ) my motto is: as long as there is a why to live, you can survive any how. i know... it's really deep and meaningful and it pretty much blows your mind. (it's alright.. i get that reaction a lot) i was reading in my scriptures the other day and i found that sentence scrawled in the margin somewhere. tough things come up and we have challenges and problems. but as long as you have a reason to live, to love, you can get through all that, rise above your faults, and become a better person. my "why" to live is helping others. i know i have the power to help others and lift them up. i live to love and i love to live :)

if i was a guy

the first thing, of course, would be facial hair
i'd have a beard that others would spite.
paired with a mustache long and fair
and a head bald and bright

i would never wear a shirt
i would be the biggest flirt
i'd wear pants down to my knees
play x-box all day
not care what i weigh
and eat pickles with whipped cream and cheese

i'd wear brown with black
eat a big mac
play football with "the guys"
i'd be ready in 10
TV's my best friend
and eat twinkies with ketchup and fries

i'd call girls hot
and talk of megan fox
through all the hours of my life
black eyes and a bruise
and cuts that ooze
wouldn't cause me any strife


i'd never call back
i'd just talk smack
and not think about what's going on next
i'd have no plan
probably drive a van
and not do my senior project

i'd never ask "does he care?!"
'cos in my head, nothing's there
my conversation of choice would be bacon
i'd know all about cars
and sports and guitars
and homework? eh, i'll just fake 'em.

and so in a girl's life
though there's all this strife
of makeup and dresses and why's
i'll stick with my heels
'cos to me it appeals
i'm glad i'll never be a guy

waiting for the end

this song basically sums up life in general. break ups. moving on. changes. it makes me think of all these different things that make up my life. not only is it a really deep and meaningful song... it's a totally sick-tight-awesome-life-changing music video! bonus-my-nonus! I'm glad to learn that some bands aren't just writing whatever about being drunk and dancing for the rest of your life (*cough* KE$HA *cough*). i think our world is so filled with stupid music, that we don't remember the true art it is to make beautiful words go with a rhythm and tune. i think people just throw stuff together to sell some CDs, it's relieving to hear some actual music now and again.

Got that glitter on my eyes
Stockings ripped all up the side
Looking sick and sexy-fied
So let's go-oh-oh, let's go!

I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again.

ok. sorry i didn't mean to go all crazy rampage on music these days, but do you see my point? sure, kesha is fun to dance to.. but do you really want future generations to remember us for words like that!?

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 9

#9 - i know. i've been a slacker! sorry.... i'll get back on the blogging thing soon! :) today, i want you to try something that you haven't done before. or maybe you don't really like it. you have to be open to new ideas! try something crazy! (please, don't do anything illegal, and if you do and you get caught... don't blame it on my blog!) finding new things to do is exciting and... who knows?.... you could find something you are really passionate about! i use to live over seas (in Tianjin, China) and trying new things was a common occurrence at the dinner table. it's exciting! and new! so try it! :)

well, i tried to play basketball. it's something i've never really tried... i got in there and ran around and lifted my arms and all that jazz. (any jazz fans appreciate the pun? ;) well, i hated it. and i don't think it's something i would ever go into. but ya know, it felt good to kinda just do something. and i didn't score any baskets, but i touched the ball! and that's an accomplishment that i am proud of :) so i am willing to keep on trying new things until i find somthing that i am passionate about. i am determined. resolved. so let's go!

Things I didn’t know I loved

I didn’t know I loved the smell of old books

Like adventure, romance, death, lost love

It smells like all of those

It smells like stories

I didn’t know I loved the look of things organized

Bricks laid in a straight line

The black keys of the keyboard as I type the uniformed letters

When things are even. Straight. Right.

I didn’t know I loved the sound of pencils

Scratching ideas and rushed notes

Tearing through poorly written words

Confessing secrets, gossip, love

I didn’t know I loved the feel of a kiss

Soft and intimate

Just for me

And just for him

I didn’t know I loved words

The pressing of them on my tongue, on my fingers, on my pen

There’s a 50/50 chance with words

They build up, they destroy. You love them, you hate them

The next two years

a crowded room
a crescent moon
i flash a smile
when i see you

bright blue eyes
my heart, it sighs
a crowded room
too many lies

i pretend
my heart will mend
when you are gone
that i will fend

but in the night
my heart takes flight
and returns to you
to that cowded room

alone were we
in that sea
a thousand friends
we couldn't see

when we're apart
i tell my heart
too many lies
for me to chart

a lie or two
i tell to you
that i'll be fine
and you will too

moments in my mind
are frozen in time
i'll never forget
you were mine

still in my dreams
and in life, so it seems
i'm still in that room
i'm still with you

Days of Me

I am composed.

Like so many letters and sheets of music

Some of the notes are sweeter and more beautiful

Some give chills and tears

The notes are of boxes, shoes, and wanted things

I am a box packer

A mover of my things

I am a different city liver

A lover of bagels and cream cheese

A spicy food eater

I am a sasser and a user of sarcasm

I am composed of sweaters and trips to grandma’s house

I am a cooker and especially an eater

I am a wearer of jeans and band aids

A fearer of needles and water

A lover of lemonade and pillows

A sitter in the sunner

Like any composition, there are notes and there are rests

I am a composition that loves the rests, but always gets the notes

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 8

#8 are we already on number eight? i have to admit... i missed a few days so it's not really DAY 8... more like challenge 8. this is not going to be a day challenge. it's going to be an on-going-never-ending-totally-awesome-challenge!!! it's the no-complaining challenge. now i want you to get a bracelet. preferably one of those stretchy arm-band-type-things. (know what i'm talkin bout?) now put it on your right wrist. when you go through a day and don't complain at all, you can move it to your left hand! isn't this exciting!? complaining is always annoying, and i'm guilty of it more than i would like to admit... i think that when we start complaining about something, we automatically have a worse attitude about it. do everything with a happy heart :) complaining won't make the thing go away, it'll only make you hate it more.

don't think i have forgotten about you, oh world of blogs. i still have my bracelet on! it's like... the third day.. and i'm doing pretty good! :) (i have my wrist band on and everything! it says "be an example of the believers" haha) i have noticed that when i don't focus on my blog and what i'm writing about and the challenges.... i am not as happy. it makes me sad. haha so i want to work harder to post more stuff and work harder on all the challenges. (don't worry... i have a couple very good challenge ideas up my sleeve) i feel better when i don't complain though! it makes me see how good my life is and there really isn't anything to complain about. which is good! :) :) i have a friend... more of an acquaintence really... that just complains all the long-legged day! it really puts everybody in a bad mood and it's really annoying! so... oh world of blogging. don't get discouraged! keep those bracelets on! and your spirits up! after all... an attitude is contagious... is yours worth catching?! (yes, i got that off a poster in my 9th grade math class...)
... 

it's time to tell you all the truth

i have an undying love for the backstreet boys that can never be embarrassed, no matter how many times other people bash them. there. now the world knows. the blogging world anyway. i would like to share with you my favorite music video from them ever! :) i hope you remember the 90's with as fond of memories as i do.

my (CREATIVE WRITING) text poem.

AWAKE
we are not awake when we aren't asleep.
sleep creeps in our minds and becomes who we are.
but we are not who we are yet.
still asleep to what we are.
when you wake up, tell me.
when you find yourself not asleep.
call on me.
we are not awake when we are not asleep.
wake me when you are not asleep.

i have some sad news

oh dear blogging world,
like so many other things in my life, school has decided to COMPLETELY RUIN my blog. as you can tell, i am being very calm about the whole thing. ;) my creative writing class wants me to put stuff on my blog from that class... riiiiiiight. cool.... i guess. they are practically forcing everyone to make a blog and post stuff. at gun point! so i am putting the frail virginity of my wonderful blog on a pagan alter and viciously sacrificing it to THE GOD OF SCHOOL . pretty much. so, i know my 2 very avid followers are grieving about this. you might find some random stuff showing up on this blog. if you do... don't panic! just go with it. ;)

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 7

#6 well.... today is pretty challenging. oh world of blogging.. can you do it!?!? i believe in you. today... (drumroll) i am taking on the challenge of giving out 50 compliments. i am usually really bad at complements and they come out wrong and it's just bad... but! i am determined to make this work. :) there is no downside to complimenting people! none! unless you're being innapropriate or just dumb... and that's your owndarnfault. you feel good about saying something nice, they feel good about you saying something nice about them and then we find a cure to cancer and end world hunger! see? the miraculous things you could do with compliments? endless, i tell you. endless! giving out compliments has to be sincere and heartfelt. no sarcasm please. :) doing this helps you to focus on people's good qualities, attributes, hairstyle, makeup, pants, whathaveyou. and it's just fun to be girly and silly and tell people you like their face (unless you're a guy... don't act girly if you are...) good luck oh world of blogging.

alright... so i don't think i gave out exactly 50... so i'm doing it again today! i kinda slacked off yesterday... sorry... i let you all down.. all 4 of you (yes! i have four followers now! it's a miracle!) so wish me luck as i try try again!

Pretty much the coolest music video ever

i love it when art and music are mixed. like strawberries, sour cream, and brown sugar (don't knock it till you try it, it is DE-licious.) it might seem crazy, and like it won't work.. but when you are brave enough to try it.. it's amazing. (but really, great song, great chalk drawings.. what could be bettah? (i get to act like a little kid and listen to good music. now that's the life.))

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 6

#5 this challenge is a little open ended. make someone's day. do whatever you want. but do it for someone else. have you ever had someone tell you that you just made their day? it's like, the best thing in the world. :)  i think when we start losing ourselves in serving eachother, that's when we find who we are. we are here to be happy, learn, and grow. how can we be happy if we don't make others happy? sure x-box, food, cars, whathaveyou, can make you happy. but it's not as lasting as the joy on someone's face when you do something that makes their day. best evah. ;)  people who take themselves too seriously and never do anything for others are lame. haha. they haven't had any fun, they haven't lived. when you live for someone else, you live for yourself too. and it makes your life suddenly worthwhile. so go ahead, make someone's day.. it'll make yours. :)

well.. i was just trying to be a friend to everybody all day. :) which can be very tiring. but! i finally had a plan that would make someone's day! i bought three balloons and wrote all of my favorite memories of jordan (my boyfriend) and i. (i know it sounds super cheesy, but he's kinda silly, so i knew he would love it) and he did :) and i don't know if i made his day... but he made mine. :)

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 5

#4 this one is definetely the hardest one evah! you are not able to say anything rude about anyone. if you find yourself saying something bad about someone, try to find something good to say about them instead. speaking well of others shows good manners and just makes you act grown up. and you're saying, "but grown ups say bad things about others too!" ah, of course they do. growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. now you could take that phrase as being a rebel! and acting childish! your whole life. sure. do that. but grow up and speak well of others. when you put others down, it makes you look like you just want attention. others think poorly of you and it's just all around bad. so... don't do it.

this one WAS very hard... i would start bad mouthing someone, and then catch myself. my best friend likes to do these challenges with me. so i sent her a text that said we were to speak well of everybody. later she told me she got that test right after telling a story about how frustrated she was with her math teacher. haha :) i thought that was funny..... oh the irony. i know it's hard, but all these challenges are just about getting into the habit of things. people like friends who don't put others down and are kind and funny. :) so just... do it. another hard thing to not do is put yourself down "i'm so fat" "i'm so dumb" i hate it when people do that. my boyfriend does that sometimes, and i tell him: "don't do that!!!" because he's wonderful and i like him the way he is. there are three reasons why people would do that: #1 they are so use to putting others down, they start doing it to themselves #2 they have a low self-esteem and really think that about themselves, or #3 they are fishing for compliments. "oh, i'm so fat" just begs for a friend to say "oh no you're not! you're sooo beautiful!!" every person is wonderful and shouldn't put them or others down.

Dancing Toward Bethlehem - by Billy Collins

If there is only enough time in the final
minutes of the twentieth century for one last dance
I would like to be dancing it slowly with you,
say, in the ballroom of a seaside hotel.
My palm would press into the small of your back
as the past hundred years collapsed into a pile
of mirrors or buttons or frivolous shoes,
just as the floor of the nineteenth century gave way
and disappeared in a red cloud of brick dust.
There will be no time to order another drink
or worry about what was never said,
not with the orchestra sliding into the sea
and all our attention devoted to humming
whatever it was they were playing.

a spin off from Rosencrants and Guildenstern

sometime in your life, you must have learned that someday you will die. i don't remember that life changing thought, like so many other moments in my life that slipped through the cracks, but if must have been shattering. what a scary thought for a creature too young to understand. so fresh from birth. so far from a fear that seems so strange, so impossible; to not be. to not exist. or maybe it's not so far as we think. maybe tomorrow, maybe the next 20 minutes. our moment of life in the eternity of this world IS tomorrow, IS the next 20 minutes. we must seize every moment that sparkles before us and not let it pass with "should haves" and "would haves." our life is a blip in a time line, filled with numerous blips of the ones before us. but why does it feel so long? here i am, 17 years into my life, a life that is the only thing I've ever known. a life filled with my concerns. it feels like i could go on forever. but there must have been a moment where i learned that no one goes on forever. emperors, farmers, video game designers, dentists, lawyers, teachers. they're all the same when the lights go out. no one can escape. the only thing that separates us is the life we live. whether your 20 minutes in the game of life was filled with something that makes you more. and the clock keeps ticking and your 20 minutes is up and you look back on your life filled with failed tests, ripped jeans, 1st kisses, parties, broken shoelaces, and midnights text messages. but also filled with smiles to strangers, comforting a friend, and sharing pringles. you should look back on your life and ask "what didn't i do for someone?" you should know, as surely as you know that you will die, that you have lived.

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 4

#4 ARE YOU READY FOR A CHALEEEENGGGGGE?!?! this is going to be a fun one! it involves one of my favorite activities: smiling! :) make everyone you encounter smile! random people in the hall, on the street, your boss, your teacher, that weird kid that eats glue. everyone. only truly great people understand the power of a smile. it is just so warm and fuzzy like my slippers. :) i love smiling. (because i have such amazing dimples haha jk ;) each smile is wonderful and beautiful in its own way. they have a magic that makes you want to smile too. like my judging challenge said, you don't know what other people are going through, so smile at em! it always makes me feel bettah. it might be awkward at first, but once you get in the habit of smiling, you're just automatically happy. fake it till you make it! studies show that 100% of people that smile all the time are just happier. and 60% of all percentages in studies are made up. ;) a smile is just like a warm cupa tea. (or hot chocolate, coffee or whathaveyou) you take it with you and it's just nice and wonderful. just smile danget! :) :) :) :) :) 

this has been by far my favorite challenge so far. just smiling. :) so so good! i am part of the 100% that is happier from smiling. :) PROVEN! it was so great. somebody told me i made their day. and it's just from smiling. it's just so easy! but it makes such a difference. i know there are a few people who slipped through the cracks.. but 98% of all the people who i met, smiled. it makes everything so much happier! best. monday. ever. 

blogs

i went around and looked at other blogs. some were people i knew well, and their blog was exactly who they were. some were people i thought i knew, or thought would be a certain way. it's weird to see the mask that everybody puts on at school. and even weirder to see the mask people put on for their blog. so i'll make a promise. i'll be honest, i'll be me, i'll not use my blog to hate on everything. respect the blog ;) respect others. and it doesn't matter if i get 1 follower or 73. this is me. and maybe someone cares and maybe they don't. this is my time and my space to say the things on my mind. and i'm going to use my blog to make myself better. not just to say what happened or complain about my life. so, my dear blog. my dear void. listen. to a girl who is putting her heart out there and hoping that it'll come back stronger and happier than it was before. 

to the lost

There are some things in life that are beyond words. this, to me, is one of them. it makes me want to dance. it makes me want to love. and never let go.

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 3

#3 challenge threeeeeee! (i try to get myself excited for em) today i want to let go of all grudges. there is a kid in some of my classes who just DRIVES ME CRAZY. (not in the good way) i just seriously want to scratch his eyes out. he has said some very rude and nasty things. and every time i see him, i remember all those things he has said to me and i give him the cold shoulder. a veryveryvery cold shoulder. i just need to sit cross-legged in a meditating state and breathe deeply, and just forgive him. it is soooo hard! and whenever i argue with my parents or my siblings i ALWAYS bring up old arguments. holding grudges doesn't do anything for anyone. if we live in a world where we don't forgive, we will live in a world with no trust. and that would be very scary. if someone has hurt you, it may take a while to forgive. take your time. but don't hold on to something that will rot your insides with hate. there is a book by Corrie Ten Boom called "the hiding place". it is one of the most inspiring books i have ever read. it is about a christian woman who was put in a concentration camp where her sister died. she was able to survive, keep her faith in God, and forgive those who put her in the camp. she is an amazing woman, and although we come from different faiths, i hope to be like her one day. the hardest part of forgiving is forgiving yourself. beating yourself up about something that happened years ago doesn't do any good. we live for today. take rafiki's words "put the past behind you". ask for forgiveness from the one you hurt, your god, and then yourself. then try to make up for what you hurt. that's the best you can do. well, i've taken up a lot of space, so.... forgive everyone. including yourself. give yourself and others a new chance. after all, it's a new day. ;)


i didn't want to argue with anyone that day. it gives everyone a chance when you forgive them. i loved looking at everyone with new eyes. they were so different. i wasn't mad at anyone. this is a challenge that i will have to work on though.... there are some people that hurt you so badly, you don't want to forgive. letting go of all your anger is difficult. after all, we're only human (that's a good song by the way, Human by Jon McLaughlin. look it up. now.) but i think to be able to change and to become a better person, you just have to let some things go...

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 2

#2 alriiiight! day two! lets go! today, i want to not judge anyone. you never know where anyone is coming from. just treat everyone like they're going through a hard time, and you'll probably be right. don't even judge the person who cuts you off on the street. ;) it'll be hard. but when you don't call people weird or dumb or wacked (or any other really bad words....) you stop seeing everybody through judgmental eyes, you begin to see that people are just people. (we're all related after all ;) imagine the worst experience you've ever been through. imagine what you looked like, imagine what you felt like. now put yourself in a grocery store when you're like that. would people look at you weird? would people judge? but nobody would know what you were going through. nobody. people are just people. don't judge.

so... i think i did pretty well. :) but! i was following my dad in his car because i was in a strange part of town and didn't want to get lost. so we're driving along and he passes through a light that JUST went orange (i call them orange lights. i know people call them yellow) by the time i got there it was just turning red. i ran a red light. AHHHH!!!! don't hunt me down popo! i swear it wasn't me! but i was hoping and praying that all the other cars weren't judging me and calling me bad names. it reminds me of all the times i've called people stupid for doing that. i guess i never know the whole story. i didn't really hang out with a lot of people. this guy that i used to like and who used to like me came over. i was with my boyfriend and he was with his girlfriend. it was kinda weird. and you know how when you don't have a crush on that person anymore at all but it's kinda the aftertaste of the crush? it was kinda like that. don't get me wrong, i absolutely love my bf. but it was still weird seeing that other guy with that other girl. let me tell ya, it was hard not to judge her. it was hard not to think badly of her. haha. and once i got over my first impressions and my want to find something bad about her, she seemed like a great girl. so i guess this leads to my next challenge.....

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 1

today is a great day to start my expedition. it's sunny and warmer than it's been in a while. there just seems to be a happy bounce to the air. the earth feels like it's vibrating. it knows that spring is coming. :) perfect for the beginning! a new life for the world, a new life for me:) so here's the first challenge:

#1 be grateful. tell everyone you meet that helps you, even if they just pick up your pen that you drop, thank you. be sincere. sarcasm doesn't count!! then, thank your God, your Allah, the universe, whatever you like, from the bottom of your heart. thank them for all they have given you. another day on this beautiful earth. a great family. macaroni and cheese. being healthy. being in love. whatever. :) just see everything and everyone as a gift, given to you this day. BE GRATEFUL. :)

ok.... so it went pretty well i think. :) i visited my sister in college and slept over in her dorm, so i was REALLY thankful for what i have ;) i was thankful for my car as i drove it ALL the way to provo and i was grateful for the beautiful day we had! it was eye opening to focus on the things i had, and not on the things i need. in this world, i think everybody is focused on getting stuff. stuff that clutters our lives and is kinda pointless. stuffstuffstuffstuffstuffstuff. STUFFit interSTUFFupts ourSTUFF livesSTUFF. every magazine, tv add and billboard makes you want to get more stuff. stuff comes and goes, but i'm just grateful for the things that never leave. :) like friendship, good memories, and the love that we share with everyone on the street. when you have the spirit of gratefulness in your heart, the world looks completely different and completely wonderful. it's just a matter of tuning your eyes and attitude to be grateful. :) when you see everything you have and are blessed with, the space in your heart that wants things for yourself will fill with the desire to give.

to Jordan

this is my favorite song of my life. it's like a best friend that's always been there. there are so many memories, good and bad, attached to this song. call me cliche and a romantic, i don't care. this song was the first time i danced with the love of my teenage life :) it reminds me of just growing older, living in the moment, and being in love. "you are the best one, of the best ones. we all look like we feel" this song forever has a place in my heart.

we're empty

one of my favorite songs :) i love to be inspired through music and i think it changes lives more than anything else. this song always makes me think of people i have blown it with. friends that turned to acquaintances and crushes turned to awkward-avoid-eye-contact-in-the-hall-people. "maybe we're trying, trying to hard, maybe we're torn apart, maybe the timing is beating our heart, we're empty" beautiful music is beautiful. touching poetry is touching. but if they're combined, it's nothing but magic. (and everyone knows the color of magic is greeeeen!)

iblog

so my dear friends. i talk to the void. is it listening? i don't know. but my thoughts are out there all the same. :)

morning

I'm grateful for the beauty of a brand new day. when you wake up early and it's chilly and you can see the pink and orange of the sun. you sit there, paralyzed. frozen in time. but time seems frozen too. thoughts rush to your head. fears. hopes. but mostly you feel a wild feeling of what could be. this morning. this day. so soft and pink. so new. you could do a million things. you could do anything.. if you dare. there's nothing like the gift of a day. this gift of time. you hope you can fill this day with something worthwhile. the earth, the heavens, gave you this day. isn't it sensible to give something back? give your smile. give your love. give your beliefs. give your hard work. give something worthy of this moment. you sit there. paralyzed. frozen in this moment in time. watching the sun break the horizon. watching a day being born. a new life. for you. for this world. a million thoughts rush to your head. what are you doing here waiting? go. do.

hello to a blog

well, i've never done this before. let's see how this goes. welcome all! to my lovely blog. it is lovely. don't tell me it's not. i wish to share with the world the sometimes-deep-sometimes-pointless thoughts of my heart. i don't know how a blog works, but if you are allowed to comment.... go for it. if you are allowed to share your sometimes-deep-sometimes-pointless thoughts... go for it. this is like a new relationship. me. you. the words on the computer. it might not work out, but at least we tried right?