there are things that move you. maybe i don't want to be a person. maybe i want to be a feeling. maybe i want to be a smile. maybe i want to be a tone in a voice. the beat of a song that just makes you want to dance. i want to be the catalyst for action. the moment in your brain when an idea is formed. when the action is next.
chanel is talking next to me. just soft nothings. what's on her mind. what she's reading. something about blankets and a bug. my stomach growls. something new. it says. let me run. let me sing loud loud. let me find the rain. let it hit my skin and let me not care. i feel on the edge of something. a discovery, an epiphany. a turn of who i am. i am who i was yesterday. i am who i was two years ago. but more than anything, i am who i am right now. and that's been added on to the top of it all. like a glaze. the underlayers still there, but the color on top being the one everyone sees. sometimes i feel like i chip though. and my younger tendencies poke through.
i have the sudden urge to just grab that plate, or pot, or bowl or vase or whatever i am and just smash it. watching those pieces fly everywhere would just give me such a satisfying feeling.
my stomach growls.