Sunday, December 11, 2011

Thursday, December 8, 2011

And I knew that God could not lie. wherefore, my guilt was swept away.

Christmas music :)

i just recently got a Spotify. if you don't have one... i definitely recommend it! i have been working on my christmas playlist :) it's pretty good so you should check mine out. alas! they did not have one of my most-favorite-but-also-highly-obscure christmas songs D: it almost ruined my christmas... almost... but i found a beautiful arrangement of this lovely song by googling it! AHA! (isn't technology just dandy?) so here it is: The Poverty Carol
merry christmas every one :)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Lyrics of the Day! Run - Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easy way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

spinning madly on

i know this is kinda cheating cause i already posted this... but i couldn't help it!
 i will dance this with my husband. maybe sing it with him. but it is a dream that will be realized. i might have to grow wings ;) but with him... i don't think it will be that hard.

what it must be like to have missed something. to want to stay in the moment, to go back, but the harder you try to stand still, the faster the rest of the world goes.
this song set itself so deeply in my heart. like a key nuzzled in my heartstrings. and when the song plays and the key turns, it hurts so much, but it also opens something.

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

Monday, October 3, 2011

please me

i try to please everyone, but what's the cost? who do i become? a girl who will lower her standards, who will laugh at anything, who walks the night. am i a girl who says "please more" to please more? who wants me? the real me. the one who flinches at cusses and fingers her hemline - embarrassed - because it's too short. the one who hates when conversations turn for the ugly, but is over-powered by her worldly fingers as they continue to text the words. because they're alluring. people will like you. but wouldn't i please more by being true to me? that's what a true friend would want. isn't it?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

my patronus


What am I? in the split second of the eternity backwards and forwards, I exist. All the particles of this earth and millions more just like it make up the number of god’s creations. I am one of those particles. Nothing. Smaller and less important than a penny floating in space. A drop in an ocean millions of times bigger than this world. Who am i? I’m a daughter of god. And despite the vastness of the universe, despite the fact I am just a face among trillions of faces among trillions of things in this universe, Christ loves me more than I understand.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Kelly's New Favorites :D

smelled so sweet like summer in the air

this song makes my heart ache. i love when a song catches your feelings and you connect it with a certain memory or an almost-happening. this is how i feel. trying to find a place, a thought, that can somehow keep you from falling, you still feel detached from everything, but hopeful for a time when what has happened doesn't matter and all you have is you and him.

there is a time for everything, a hope for the future, but to be happy now, we have to say goodbye. and don't you just HATE it? 

this song makes me feel awesome. 
i just adore Mika. there are no words. i want to listen to this song every second of every day.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

My Older Brother

"May we ever follow the Prince of Peace, who literally showed the way for us to follow, for by doing so, we will survive these turbulent times. His divine plan can save us from the dangers which surround us on every side. His example points the way. When faced with temptation, He shunned it. When offered the world, He declined it. When asked for His life, He gave it." Thomas S. Monson

Monday, September 12, 2011

Holden and I

I have never really liked the book Catcher in the Rye. I always understood why it was banned, but never why it was considered a great work by many people. Then something happened last night that I know I won’t soon forget. There was a moment where the world was shown to me not as I have always seen it, but as it really is. Not through the rosy glasses my mother gave me at birth, not through my hopeful eyes, always searching for the best, but I saw it with the understanding given to someone who is meant to realize something. I saw the darkness more clearly than I ever had before, the doubt and the sin in everyone’s eyes. And I not only wanted to be closer to God, closer to what he wanted, closer to His happiness, closer to my Father, but I also began to feel a love, one that I didn’t understand yet, growing inside me. And I knew I wouldn’t understand until someone was completely mine, until I cared more for someone else than I did for me. Until i had someone I would give my life to save from the darkness of this world. Suddenly, I felt as Holden once did. Wanting to stand next to him in that field, desperately trying to keep others from running off. To help them realize what they were running to, not realizing how great the field was. I wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

it's been fun... but i mustache

of all the creations in all the worlds that fill the sky, i was able to meet you. i was able to love you. and as i sit here alone, having conversations with the stars, i ask them if you are sitting somewhere, looking up and thinking of me. i ask if you are lonely as well, missing the time when the stars were the background to our musings. now they only have one heart to watch. a heart that misses one beating beside it. maybe beating a little faster than it should. although the heavens are open above me, although the crickets whisper secrets into the wind, although the grass hums and crackles in the soft warm breeze... your eyes, your touch, your voice, your heart beside mine, is all i want.
here is a list that i agree with. except for #10.

i am separate. the stillness and the silence tears me away from all the things that strain for my attention. i travel closer to the natural things of the world. things closer to my heart because they are closer to the raw, fresh, original version of me. it's not my surroundings, but my decisions that distances me. the choice to pull away and dare to be different.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Saturday, August 27, 2011

For Now

Turning from everything he knew, he ran. shrinking from touch, from talking. why talk to anyone? he saw the faces he saw every day. familiar. smiling. names. personalities. he felt disconnected. he thought seriously about how he answered the casual "how are you?" Fine. was he fine? did he want others to know? could he trust them? give his mind and heart like he did before? no. look what happened. running. running is always good. blurs. eyes closed. wind. breathing hard. he wasn't running away from them. just her. the memory. lingering like her perfume after a long kiss. Then stronger. The memory of empty eyes. The memory of broken, pale, cold.  No. Run. Let the air brush it out. Broken. Dead. No! His legs running from something he couldn't see. Something chasing him. Right on top of him. Collapsing. Sprinklers buzzing, birds chatting, the cars bloated and disfigured colors in the tears. Gone. No! "how are you?" she's attached to the question. "how are you?" I'm fine! but is this fine? asks the voice. This isn't fine. Look at you. head hung. legs give out. grass poking. poking like a question. what to do? for now? for now the ground is sharp. the sun is piercing. the pavement rocky. for now he would run. That's what he knew to do. numb. alone. that's running. as soon as the pain stops, so would he. but for now? run.

the small umbrella in the rain

like wet leaves falling from a tree far too high for me to see, the raindrops soak every inch of me. the world looks different. i'ts plunged underwater. as if it was painted by an artist who has only seen the world through cracks in a blind. then darkness spins the world further into an unrecognizable state. and i am left. the joy of dancing in the splashing water drips off as the cold sinks deeper than my skin. i look up, trying to find the source. all i am greeted with is tears and more tears. they mingle with mine. but then, a small red umbrella bounces along a further path. the owner is familiar to me, even through the incoming blackness. he calls my name and i struggle to tear myself out of the mud sinking around my ankles. it's you. and you pull me close against your dry coat. i look up. the raindrops bounce cheerfully against the waterproof red. the rain is a surrounding beauty again in the safety of my rescuer.

Monday, August 22, 2011

walking the dog - fun.

A Starry Night

By Kevin Baldwin

the ground beneath my feet,
the grass between my toes,
the throne on which i'm seated,
the arms that hold me close,
so i'll admit defeat,
she's all i'll ever want to know

Friday, July 29, 2011

a tired heart

you might have the rest of the world believing that you are beat, but i'm not convinced. you say you are at you lowest, with no hope, all alone. but i know different. i know the world feels like it has fallen upon you and has broken into pieces and all you have to put it back together is your tired and worn out heart. but you have my heart as well. and if ours beat together, this broken world we live in might not seem like such a mess. i will strengthen your heart with mine and then you will know what i know. that you are more than this world. you are deeper than this world makes you feel. and when you awake and turn your eyes inward and see the glow coming off you, you will learn that your heart is enough. your soul is enough. and our two souls and hearts are more than enough. so lets stay close and pick up each piece and maybe in the rubble we will find hearts and souls that beat like ours. and then this broken world won't seem so lonely. maybe it won't even feel so broken

to be broken and fixed again

there is a place for broken things. in plastic bags or in forgotten shops on forgotten streets. under the bed, behind garden pots and on high, loose shelves. but where do i put my heart when it is broken? i condemn it to a dusty corner. a lonely island. maybe if it's far off the fear of it being broken wont hurt so much. i lock and bury it. for a heart, even when broken, is all i have
but there also is a place for whole things. where only lovers go. they go to see what awaits them. when i am whole again, there is where you will find me. there, words and nothings become the only way to survive. so, my love, keep whispering, my love. keep holding me, for if you leave, i will fall. i will starve for your words.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

possibly the funniest thing in the world

HERE! is the funniest blog i have ever met. i cried. multiple times. not in the sad way. i love how she illustrates everything and i plan on maybe illustrating a story and sharing with you all! except it won't be HALF as funny.. anyway.. enjoy!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

awesome things i have found

just another tree

There is a spot of ground out next to that young maple where you can feel the memories hanging onto the air. Although this year it has new leaves and bark, although this year the grass is fresh and not yet weighed down by feet as it is by autumn, although the breeze swiftly carries away each word as you utter them, making you doubt they were ever said at all, although this spot looks new each year, it feels old. Phantasms of happenings that occurred in the spot linger, unable to be blown away by the wind. The leaves seem to whisper the stories of the past; a young woman, come to hear what the earth could tell her while she sits in the shade, forgotten book on her lap. A first kiss, stolen by a shy boy from an even shyer girl. A small fort owned by squealing kids daring each other up the soft, new branches. A broken heart, coming to find comfort in the soothing stir of the wind in the leaves. Young hands breaking the soft earth and planting the tree. But most of all, the now-old hands returning and touching the bark of an old friend. Every year the sprinkler buzz, the leaves grow and then fall, new branches burst from the trunk, the sun hits the top leaves and the rain almost reaches the core. Each year, just like a new layer to the bark, more memories are placed on the spot of ground out next to that young maple.

hemlocks and poppycock

From underneath my favorite tree, heavy with pollen, I gaze up at the shifting light through the bursting leaves. The sunlight drips onto my toes and splotches on my face as the branches try to catch the afternoon beams. A spider web glints shyly from an upper twig, but the spider is not at home. She is most likely trying to decide if white or red wine would suit tonight’s supper, which is currently thrashing in the broken strands. The light pollen sinks to the ground in a white swirl, making me dizzy as it traces the trips in the breeze. It becomes a summer snow once it relaxes on the ground, warm and yielding to my curious hands. A fuzzy round bumblebee, searching for any remaining spring flower in the high branches, hums lazily and makes me doubt that the buzz is not from its wings, but actually a tune his father taught him in the spring to drone as he is working. I wonder how long their party last night must have lasted as I see hung-over flies, bleary eyed and confused, swerving through the long grass. I feel like I’m underwater as the dappled light, swaying on the ground when the wind bends the upper branches, mimics the sun hitting the water and sinking in the breaks of the waves. The effect is enhanced as the rushing of leaves break on the shore in my mind. As I close my eyes and the soft watery light hits my lids, the red with veins crossing through it is all I can see. I think of new lives, moving inside of warm stomachs as the birds skip in the trees above, talking to each other in French or Spanish. Either way, it’s a language I will never be able to understand. 

chancing ideas

You need to find the ideas as they hide in falling apples or the want to make chocolate cookies, because an idea is the saddest thing to lose. You will never know what it could have been if you had let it bloom into a creation. You will only know that because you didn’t listen to it while it was tickling your thoughts, your life will be the exact same as it was before. Except now you will have the feeling that you are (missing) something that could have been. Every man who is great is great because they took a chance on an idea they had and laughed at those who doubted them.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

11 totally funny and semi-inappropriate pick-up lines for every occasion

  1. Medical - do you know CPR? because you just took my breath away! 
  2. To the point - can i flirt with you?
  3. Food - is your dad a baker? because you have nice buns. (that was actually used on my cousin once.)
  4. Mormon - is your name virtue? because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly 
  5. Science - if i were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes
  6. Subtle - does this cloth smell like chloroform? 
  7. Elementary - if you were a booger I'd pick you.
  8. Very Elementary - so... you're a girl, huh?
  9. Sweet - it's not my fault i fell in love. you're the one who tripped me. 
  10. Cheesy - if i had a rose for every time i thought of you, i would be waking up in a garden forever. 
  11. Tricky - i bet you $40 you're going to turn me down 
  12. excuse me, i seem to have lost my phone number... can i have yours?
and one more for laughs...

Abraham Lincoln

we should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it

Lyrics of the Day! You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol

Sunday, July 17, 2011

content of our character

if i burst into a thousand pieces what would be found? what would sum up who i've been during this life? if you found me on the ground, would you stop and try to see who i was by the bits that made me up? a thousand shreds of colored paper and half-written love songs. three thousand laughs broken next to midnight stars and sprouted seeds. dandelions and raindrops mixed in with the somewhat remembered dreams, the kind where i know i can fly, but just can't get off the ground. kisses lying next to the torn pillows and clouded nights where you and i would watch the evening swirl around us. every moment caught in an image that made up who i am, now scattered across the floor, broken where i was left, my charm bracelets, wish bones, books and colors to be mingled with the shoes of those passing by. my heart a cloth now threadbare with the touch of those i love. my mind, wrapped wire, strong and durable, full of possibilities. but as i lie, a thousand odds and ends on the ground, i know that when you join me as a pile of moments beside me. you will be there, making my odds even and my ends just beginnings.

sam i am

i cannot breathe
i cannot live
i cannot give 
and give and give

i am myself
i am not you
i'm not as strong
i'm just a fool

create a space
a space for me
a space to love
a space to be

but life is real
and life can push
and life says no
and life says shush

but whatever it takes
i will be heard
they will listen
some people would

i am myself
and to me i'll be true
i'm like no one else
i'm not like you

sometimes i wonder why i try to be musically talented..

Friday, July 15, 2011

thanks to erin

with all the people in the world, talking, touching, going, thinking, realizing, grieving,
with all the unseen troubles that sit deep in the eyes of those around us, but the world is too uncaring to ask "how are you?" in a sincere and concerned way,
with all the firsts and sometimes the lasts accompanying the millions that tread this earth as they kiss a new crush, or touch the wrinkled hand of their life-long best friend,
i want to be all of them, i want the connection with those who have stones as hearts and desert eyes. too sandy and rough to cry anymore,
i want to reach across and go to the dentist with the frightened boy or be in a hand to steady the writing of an apology, or find in some lost small space the spark that started this country.
i want to be the crinkle in a passing smile and the brave feet of the determined man as he walks towards his last time.
i wish i could have been a feeling of comfort in the broken hands and feet and side.
i wish i could have been the rushing of peace as the ghost floated up.
i wish i could have been the feeling of surety that all He did was not in vain.
but here i am, an all consuming soul contained in a small girl. and i sit, wanting and thinking of all that i could be, all i could do if not restricted by mortality.
and i wonder and wish that as i sit here, wanting to be the freckles in your eyes and the opening of your mouth, that you perhaps sit like i am and think the same thing.
that your heart perhaps skips the same beat as mine does.
as you perhaps remember as i am now and freeze in your place in the world, taken up by the force of the memory of us.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

as the world slips slowly into the darkened water, will you dance with me one last time? forgetting the sinking wonders. forgetting the lightened boats and painted houses. just match you heartbeat with mine as we spin to the rhythm of the falling night. the falling buildings. does it matter if your suit is blue or a color unseen? if my dress is silk or a fabric of stars? but barefoot we go, with the wind and leaves and music of the world leading us through things unseen to others. only lovers, although blind with love, are the ones to view this garden of lights, stones, and misty memories. through the broken glass and splintered wood, we dance one last time.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

Somewhere only We Know

who do you think you are?

who are you to say what i should do? is your life perfect? didn't think so.
who are you to say who i should be? what i should wear, if i should care.
how i dance, how i write, how i talk, what i do with my hair.
i like how i am. and cutting me down just to make yourself better isn't going to work.
because this girl isn't like other girls.
i'm not going to cry in a corner
i'm not going to change
this is my self portrait i'm creating and my brush strokes are
the only ones allowed on this canvas
this is me. my life. not you or your life
i'm not going to try and please everyone
i'd much rather be happy than right any day.
so turn around and take your comments with you

Friday, July 1, 2011

fill the sky with fire



why be you when you can be new?

all of our waking is devoted to thinking of what we could be. what we could have. with all the choices that are in front of us, there is always something bigger, better. and we are left with the regret of what could have happened if we had chosen different. never satisfied because of the could-have in the back of our mind. never pleasantly surprised. because it could have been better. do we ever take a moment and be glad to just be?

temporary sculptures

the hidden

we hide what we are ashamed of. a broken lamp, a bad grade. we hide what we don't want others to see. a broken heart, a messed up past. but this, this i don't care if others see. others shy and dart their eyes, afraid the truth might be shown to others. but me? i don't care. i won't hide. your eyes look at mine and i meet them steadily. i won't hide this. i smile. and so do you.

I AM - Komitas

I am your love,
I am the heat of your love,
Yet lonely...
I am your woman,
You, you are my soul
That I depend on...
Your voice sounded as sudden thunder of love
My soul breathed as an elating lightning of spring...
I breathed your breath deep down my chest
And by your fire I became the poet of the flames...


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

the problem

alrighty dighty. i've been srsly thinking about cutting off all my hair... here's the problem: i don't know if i should or not...
this is how i would cut it if i were to cut it.

should i walk on by or enter the dragon's lair?
should i keep it long, or should i cut my hair?

The Look - Sara Teasdale

Stephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.
Stephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

deeper than emotion

what is freedom? is it passed from generation to generation? is it a feeling or thought? is it a way of life or just a way of shrugging off a a heavy guilt? freedom is fought by everyone who yearns for it. it is a desire of grandfathers, mothers, sons. it is an idea that is carried on the back of sacrifice and hard work. it is paid for by the blood and lives of young men, the tears of widows and son-less mothers. the letters sent home before the coffins. words written home, still fiery-eyed with the excitement of fighting for something more than yourself. bigger than you. we all fight for freedom. freedom for our country, freedom from cancer, from abuse, from sadness and for the freedom to just be you. our legacy hangs on the walls of this country. a banner of those who fought and fought. a reminder of those who lost. a moment of flags and music and standing in honor. and also examples of those who won. a cheerful drum, a swell and triumphant heart. our freedom is a symbol of who we want to be and a reminder of where we were. we have fought with angels on our side, with guardians and lions. our freedom has been protected throughout the ages, ever in the background. comforting and always there. it is in every flag, in every vote, in every drum, in every uniform. but is also in the faces of the young, the healed, and the saved. it is in the blood of all of those who have felt the stir in their hearts as they pledge their energy, love, and life to the country and what it stands for. hand over heart, but heart wide open. it is more than just a word, more than a way of life, it is deeper than emotion, and stronger than any feeling.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

the last supper

today is my last day being 17. this has been an interesting year. so many challenges and things to deal with. but it has also been a year of starting new, holding onto hope, and making friends. i'm on the turning point of my life, the night before i am legal, the night before i start my adventure. i know i'm not ready. i hope and hope that i will wake up in this new life and find myself old enough to handle the new problems, smart enough to finish the old problems and brave enough to face the world alone. as i eat my celebratory meal of pizza and ice cream shakes, i find myself on the edge of my life. this isn't the end of me. this is the beginning of who i could be. i smile as i realize for once i'm not the new girl. i'm here with hundreds of other people who are strangers to each other. who are as scared and alone as i am. for once i'm in a place where everyone hasn't known each other since 2nd grade. we are all fresh beginnings. empty frames, but not the kind that sit on a box or shelf with no hope. we are the kind waiting to be filled.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Colors according to Kelly

orange always reminds me of changing and this one evening in michigan with my friends where we played hide and seek on a golf course.
green makes me think of myself and a huge field that never ends. like from Witch of Blackbird Pond
pink always reminds me of sunsets and my cousin Ellie who, in a family of rough boys, is the girliest girl i know.
purple makes me think of Sarah Lizzio. even though she is in michigan and i barely talk to her anymore, it always reminds me of her. it also reminds me of Ursala from little mermaid and grape flavors. which are the best. 
blue reminds me of jordan unless it's deep blue and in that case it reminds me of the rainbow fish.
yellow reminds me of those annoying smiley faces everywhere. it also reminds me of dandelions which are probably the best flower in the world.
red reminds me of hearts. and cool-aid.
white makes me think of clouds and that long staircase which is apparently heaven. also of daisies which reminds me of the great gatsby. also it reminds me of tampon commercials and a michael jackson song.
black makes me think of the night which is my favorite time of day.

Dominant Monkey And The Phoenix

i found something pretty tizight for all you people in bands or thinking about joining a band. you need a band name of course, so the wide world of the web has graciously made a generator for such occasions (it took me about 5 tries to spell the word "occasions" - i came out victorious, obviously) if you want to test out this freakofnature website just click HERE! it is pretty impressive to see how when you type in random innocent words, and slightly inappropriate band names can come out... such as Cheesecake Of The Simply Rape. which i don't think i wanna know whattheheck that means.... (i am innocent! i typed in cheesecake. it put the whole 'rape' thing in on it's own!)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

for now

"how are you?" he's attached to the question. "i'm fine." are you? are you fine? asks the small voice at the back of my head. yes. i'm fine. is this fine? the voice asks. flashes of last night. curled. crying. holding my sides for fear i might crumble apart. this isn't fine. the voice continues. no. i say. i am fine. i can go to school and smile and answer questions. all the questions? except one. "how are you?" he's attached to the question. but here is my happy mask. this is what every one wants to see. my room is for the tears. my room is for the shaking. at school i am smiling. at school i am fine.

little red

filled with leather and memories as bright as its exterior
painted on the back of my eyelids
like the fading blurs of fireworks
some shine new and favorite,
like the hood and doors,
some forgotten, dark, and uncomfortable,
like the messy smudged bottom
pipes and tubes

a drive to a pool party
summer songs, windows down
sunburns from the open roof
sticky leather and sweet cool drinks

a night drive to help a friend
crying and shaking
carrying all her pain into the metal room
caring words spoken while looking over the steering wheel

a road trip across the country
fighting with siblings all through Nebraska
feigning sleep so mom will leave us alone 
freeway games, pretzels, carrots, fries

an evening drive to get a frosty
hands freezing on sweating cups
holding spoons and hands
having a friend, smiling, and talking

a midnight drive to his house
warm inside the heated car, snow outside
whatever happens, we have now
we say things, when we aren't kissing.

i look at little red
the scratches, the stickers, the streaks of rain on the window
marked by time, but still loved
still worth all the more because of the memories shared.

Francesca and Ballet Slippers

in the black of night. in the embrace of the dark, soft being that comes when daytime and all its innocent lightheartedness tucks its head into the deep folds of lady night, there is still the memory of day. there is still heat in the trees and earth and water. curled up where the sun left it hours before. there is still hope. hope that the fiery sphere will indeed return after her night-time wanderings to different lands. she will return in a soft, pink dress, smelling of dew and pine with her hair up in a loose, fluffy bun. no matter how dark the night gets, no matter how far the warmth feels, we know day will come as glorious as it was the day before. we know it, because it's happened so many times before, but we love it all the more because we have known the night.

Stream of Consciousness

it's amazing how life can mean different things to you at different times. you're one person, you're in one place, you feel certain things and then you switch. and switch. and switch again. life is just changing and no one's really ready for it. and here i am at graduation. this is about as far as I've planned my life and it scares the hell out of me. i try to fix things with people before i go, but you can't fix something that wants to stay broken. you make mistakes and regrets and it all reminds me of that little boy from Hook smashing the clocks with Dustin Hoffman in his pirate garb and hook looking over. you get so mad at people and mad at yourself for not choosing differently or not seeing an important moment when it was RIGHT THERE. you wish you were more. that you filled space... and not just in the physical way cuz that sounds like a fat joke. people try to be deep and cool and say something profound, but i guess we just care too much about what others think. or maybe we're scared we wont be remembered. we want to be more than a body in a desk. we want people to remember us how we are right now. to be quoted and to have people laugh when they remember. you want them to say "remember that one time with Kelly? man, she was awesome" this all reminds me of that Matchbox20 song when they said "soon enough you're gonna think of me, and how i used to be" listening to that song on the cool dawn of my last drive to school i pleaded with the earth and heavens that somehow i have touched someone's life. either in a smile or hug or conversations. because we all want to know that somehow we were something to someone. Les Mis is probably my favorite musical, i think we are all trying to be like that. to be forgiven and to change and have another chance to become a better person. one song in that musical says "to love another person is to see the face of God" i want to see the face of God and to have others see it in me. my school years better end in one heckofa musical number.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

pretty much awesome :)

ok, i know that all of us have gone to sparknotes when we were supposed to read some book for english and totally spaced.. (don't deny it, i've been there too. in fact, i don't think i've read a whole book in my high school career and i still have an A, so itsallgood!) it's a lifesaver! but also, it can be very entertaining. :) i could spend hours reading sparklife. it is great :) so i'm sharing it with you. hopefully you'll find it as intriguing as i do and will give you a few laughs :)  Click here to see it! :) and here it is :) knock yourself out. (please don't.. i would probably get sued or something for promoting self-violence over the internet...)

We Are Young - Mika

ah... mika. it makes me sad that you would rather kiss my brother than me :( i love you so very much.

my hero

poet, entertainer, singer, actor, dancer, hero. what would life be like without this wonderful little green frog? from the first time he sang "it's not easy being green" i knew he would always have a special place in my heart. :) he is lovable and a perfect gentleman. he also likes chubby girls so i have a chance ;)

Hang it all

this blog has been only a bit of me. and i feel like i need to share all of me. i'm tired of being the sweet girl in the background. the background is not fun. that's not me. i am bold. i am loud. i am cRazAy. so i'm amping up my blog, so it fits my personality bettah. bright colors, strong patterns, loud music. that is how i want to map my life out. the pattern of my personality is too strong to keep in pastels and soft music. i'm grateful for my blog. it has helped me realize who i am and being proud of me. :)