Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 26

#26 - this is all about patience. in this world of instant connection, communication, gratification, and food-ication, we want things now! if we can't buy it, we charge our credit cards. we have to have it now. but the Lord isn't all about now. in fact, he usually is about later. He knows what is best for us, and it usually teaches us patience. i know it will be hard, but just go with it. i have looked back and seen that the way the Lord answers prayers is not the way i expected, or at the time i expected. but i look back and it is such a precise answer to my prayer and better than i could ever have hoped. "knock on the sky and listen to the sound." and the sound might be quite different than you thought it would be.

heaven is

why am i content in pain? i am stronger, choose to smile. i count my blessings and think of others first. being a friend to some one is better than being your own friend first. laughing even when it hurts does more for your situation than crying. tears are lonely and useless. immerse yourself in life, in your emotions and the feeling of now. we are teenagers. we never die. :) we all live for a moment. we live for the day. we live to love.

the starting line

i have lost my spark. somewhere i lost it. my drive, my passion. my joy to live. i know it's hiding somewhere. it is when we are broken that we find what we care about. i feel like i will find it soon. that my writing will become who i am and not just who i want to be. i will wake up in the morning and feel like i use to. excited, ready, willing. my ideas will be inspiration, not just recycles. i will wake up one morning and find what i lost.

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 25

#25 - you are you. and even when you try something different (#24) you are still you. no one should tell you who to be or how to act. i have a friend that i think gets embarrassed about if what she is doing is cool or not. who cares!? if you like country music, like it. (i actually hate it... very much) you don't have to be anyone for anyone. if you're loud, be loud. don't hide your personality. don't be one person around your friends and then another person around your other friends. be true to yourself. it's annoying when people act like someone they're not. don't like a food just because your best friend likes it. she wont hate you for not liking it. you're different. who wants to be the same?

that's sooo cliche! - creative writing

That’s sooo cliché!

It dawned on me that

I don't know how to break this to you

But.... I have half a mind

To give you a piece of my mind.

I know that every cloud has a silver lining,

And that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel

But this is a whole new ball game.

You make me crazy

You really get my goat

I know you hear no evil

So tell me if I’m barking up the wrong tree

But you’re always lying like a rug

This is small potatoes considering the fact that

You are as proud as a peacock

And the bigger they come, the harder they fall

So you should be ready to bite the bullet

Because I would be pleased as punch

If you would hit the road

You might be sick as a dog for leaving

But you are as hard as nails

As solid as a rock,

And time is a cure

But it’s a cardinal sin to

Cry over spilt milk

This too, shall pass.

you're young, you'll get over it

Behold your little ones

In our logic, we loose the magic. In our learning, we loose the faith. In our being taught what's right, we loose our imagination. In our knowledge we loose our wisdom.

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 24

#24 - We are all somebody: a jock, a flirt, the smartypants, whathaveyou, but there was always somebody else you wanted to be. So be that someone else. I'm not saying totally be fake and ditch your friends and get a new wardrobe, but if you've always wanted to be an artist, try it! You might find that you're really good at it. Maybe you want to be less of a gossip like your best friend whatsherface. Try it. This part of your life is to figure out who you are. We are all unsure. We all have no idea what we're doing. (huh, life? This is my first time... You?) we are all pretty much freaked out of our minds. So unless you were a snail in a previous life, I'm pretty sure you are an insecure teenager like me (I don't know if snails can be teenagers but all the ones I have met have been pretty insecure) so wear cowboy boots, lipstick and a tinkerbell backpack, try being something you're not, (but still be true to your standards and stuff;) be fresh to deth.

who we are

people are creatures of love and hate. they need love. they need the feeling that someone cares and would be willing to put you above their ego and selfish desires. can we only love once? what a joy to think that no matter how many times you break off a bit of your love and give it to some one else, your supply is never empty.  love is the only thing that increases as you give it away. but we must learn to love. the natural man would put his wants and needs above helping and loving others. to find and learn love, we must listen to our souls. our souls are pure and want what's right over what's comfortable. we must learn to love wholly, unconditionally, and universally. to accept and search for love. love is something we knew completely in a different life, but now true love feels like trying to remember a dream. almost there, but slipping. but i dream of it every night. i know it's there. my job now is to have faith, take a stand, walk up to the edge, and jump in.

lyrics of the day! better days - goo goo dolls

if you haven't noticed yet... i have a MAJOR thing for the goo goo dolls. ;)

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 23

#23 - help someone that is in a worse situation that you. there is always someone having a harder time than you are. we are always so wrapped up in ourselves that we don't see others that need our strength and our experiences. sometimes, when you are going through a difficult time, it seems less painful to just curl up somewhere and avoid people. isolating yourself only gives you more pain. the way to forget, forgive, and move on is to involve yourself, be humble enough to accept help and listen to advice, and -most of all- we need to reach out to others. God answers our prayers, but it is usually through other people. you need to be that other person. remember what's happened, be happy about what's happening, and be ready and excited for where you will be.

Lyrics of the day! On the Brightside - Nevershoutnever

I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall
He towered like a giant
In a world that was defiant of his height
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall
Just looking for some answers
In a world that answers none of them at all
I'll say, "Hi," but not reply
To the letters that you write
Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 22

#22 - today, this week, I want you to do something you've never done before. Life is full of chances to do something wonderful, different, new. Look around you. There are things that you are itching to try but never had the courage to do. Take a deep breath and plunge into the unknown. You never know how it will turn out until you try :) do something amazing that you will look back on and be glad you did. Try something crazy ;) carpe diem

oh what a crazy thing i did! i've never done it before... and i kinda don't know how i feel about it. haha. it was a good experience... that's all i'm going to say.

Good morning April!

i woke up and it was april. and the world was so... APRIL that i just had to stand for a while and breathe it all in. what does april have in store for me? hope... i hope. when the world wakes up and the sun remembers earth. that's april. how do we forget the miracle that will happen every spring? we know it's coming, but do we see it when it does? the clouds, hot ground, the blue, the blue, the blue. and green. with all the fake tree boughs of winter and the plastic holly, when was the last time i saw green? not a cheep replica, but the fresh green that only earth can make. ah, april :) i believe that i will heal with the earth. i hope i will. scars from winter will melt with snow and i will once again become the beautiful creation God made me as. cheers to april. :)

Hamlet - creative writing

a timed writing? i would rather shower with a bear. why can't my desk with "Jeremy loves Kaitlyn" carved into it just get bigger and bigger until it hides me. but Drake swoops down and hands me the dreaded green sheet. Hamlet? i'm supposed to write about Hamlet? who the heck is Hamlet? i read the question i'm supposed to be analyzing over and over again. it makes less sense every time. the words fill my head like a swelling marshmallow being cooked over a fire. but that's all they are. marshmallow. i get a sudden flash of a daydream. it's Drake. she has my brain on a stick and is laughing crazily as she roasts it. i stare at my blank sheet of paper. Hamlet... Hamlet... i wait and wait for a miracle, an epiphany, like a pebble from heaven, to just plop on my head. i watch my GPA as it waves goodbye and slowly tumbles down a hill...
i wonder if the zoo would let me borrow one of their bears... i'm sure we both would like a long shower.

Headway - Remind Me To Miss You

I’ll miss feeling you there by my side
I’ll miss holding you close in the night
I’ll miss things that we used to do
I’ll miss you

I’ve been thinking the things that I’ve said
I’ve seen the reason that you may have left
I hear songs that remind me of you
I miss you

And I’m sure there are moments
when you start to think about me

so you know i still miss you
so im sure you miss me too

perspective - Creative Writing

what a strange boy he is. he looks so puzzled all the time. the looks he gives me make me look at myself. i must have my fly down or ketchup on my shirt or mascara all over my face. why else would he give me that look? so direct. his eyes, steady and intent, aren't anything like the person they're attached to. he can't sit still. fidgeting and shuffling papers. it's annoying! why does he keep looking over? I'm getting mad now. why is he acting like this? judging. no doubt he's laughing at my discomfort. i storm out to the bathroom. the mirror says i don't have anything in my teeth, no stains, no misplaced hair. why does he torment me then? as i slide back to my desk, his eyes follow me. a note on my desk. from HIM. why can't he leave me alone? it will be a rude note. i know it. i open it, glaring. i am met by three words

i like you

i look up, and a different boy is sitting at his desk. the boy blushes.

Closer - Creative Writing

we hugged. some of my insides shattered. the past was brought fresh to my mind. regrets. mistakes. but i covered them with another thought. it blanketed my errors and guilt. he smiled a sad smile. yes, he was leaving. i turned in the cold air. the door closed. but he looked back before it shut. i took a deep breath and saw my future stretched out before me. shining like a new dime, like my eyes did with tears in them when he left. but the drops that fell down my cheeks now weren't of regret or even of sadness. it was of the new, fresh beginning i had been given. a fresh start with him. i looked around me. the rain had left everything damp and spring-smelling. baptized by early spring showers. a new life. a rebirth. and i felt like we would become better friends. him and i. that after all the time and space between us, we would return. closer.

Brightwood - Taken

Nearer, My God, To Thee - day 21

#21 - my life is filled with so many regrets. i can't dwell on them. everyone does stupid things. i just need to make sure to learn from my mistakes, grow, and become a better person. in the immortal words of My Big Fat Greek Wedding "Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become." there are things that i hate about myself. we all have things like that. but this life is for fixing yourself and making sure you don't miss a great thing twice.

the quote that i try to keep reminding myself is don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. thinking about and mourning over my regrets won't get me anywhere. it just makes me upset. i'm trying to remember the good times and focus on that. being grateful for those 10 months. right now, i have to focus on what is happening. school, friends, family. i have to plan for the future, but not worry or stress about it all the time. our lives are in such a balance. one little switch in attitude or a turn of events can spin our delicate plans out of control. it's like the earth. if it was just a bit closer to the sun, we would all burn up. but if it was a little further away, we would all freeze. our goal in life is not to have it perfectly balanced all the time. that's never going to happen. sometimes you will be angry and things will go wrong. you will be alone, teased, pushed down, and thrown around. our goal in life is not to be balanced all the time. our goal is to stand through the times that aren't balanced. to come out stronger and better. life isn't going to be easy. but your attitude and perception of the things that are happening can either make it enjoyable, (or at least bearable) or miserable in every meaning of the word.  "Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine!" - Count of Monte Cristo.

Margaret Atwood - Variations on the word Love

This is a word we use to plug
holes with. It's the right size for those warm
blanks in speech, for those red heart-
shaped vacancies on the page that look nothing
like real hearts. Add lace
and you can sell
it. We insert it also in the one empty
space on the printed form
that comes with no instructions. There are whole
magazines with not much in them
but the word love, you can
rub it all over your body and you
can cook with it too. How do we know
it isn't what goes on at the cool
debaucheries of slugs under damp
pieces of cardboard? As for the weed-
seedlings nosing their tough snouts up
among the lettuces, they shout it.
Love! Love! sing the soldiers, raising
their glittering knives in salute.

Then there's the two
of us. This word
is far too short for us, it has only
four letters, too sparse
to fill those deep bare
vacuums between the stars
that press on us with their deafness.
It's not love we don't wish
to fall into, but that fear.
this word is not enough but it will
have to do. It's a single
vowel in this metallic
silence, a mouth that says
O again and again in wonder
and pain, a breath, a finger
grip on a cliffside. You can
hold on or let go.