for now

"how are you?" he's attached to the question. "i'm fine." are you? are you fine? asks the small voice at the back of my head. yes. i'm fine. is this fine? the voice asks. flashes of last night. curled. crying. holding my sides for fear i might crumble apart. this isn't fine. the voice continues. no. i say. i am fine. i can go to school and smile and answer questions. all the questions? except one. "how are you?" he's attached to the question. but here is my happy mask. this is what every one wants to see. my room is for the tears. my room is for the shaking. at school i am smiling. at school i am fine.