spring cleaning

i open the trunk in my heart,
inside are blankets.
some are old, threadbare, but still so warm.
beautiful quilts. still being added to. 
love that has strong stitching and has always been there for me.
my parents
my God.
other blankets are heavy.
but take away the warmth.

jilted love.
bitter feelings.
fears.
doubts.
these waste space in my precious box.
i let them go.
and my box is lighter and has more room for my precious quilts
some are just beginnings of blankets.
i'm not sure how they will turn out
hopes
ideas
new love.
there are also many many other blankets
one's i have stitched.
waiting for me to give them out
to warm others
to have and to hold


i open the attic in my mind,
what a mess!
i dust off some objects,
smiling as i realize their shape
remembering.
i open the windows,
throwing everything into sharp relief
i continue cleaning.
some half finished things i bring downstairs.
to complete
and show the world what i have to offer
some things i'm afraid to touch
disgusted of their existence here.
i throw them out.
turning in shame
some of the silly things in here make me laugh again
i've learned a lot since.
i put new things up here.
hopefully only good things.
plans
goals.
new ideas
there is so much space now.
open.
devoid of dusty, dark objects

and the spring light streams through the windows
filling all the corners.

ode to a new blog style :)

it's a new year. i've looked back at what i've become. what i've taken, what i've lost. i find that i love it. love it all. i will become more, adding to the person i am. i have different thoughts, different desires (different blog names) every year i'm closer to who i want to be. God has given me another year. what shall i do with it?

YUS! :{

THIS is what i've been waiting for! FINALLY!

a new year, a new feeling

all the love songs have more meaning.
all those cheesy words that i've made fun of a thousand times... they don't seem so cheesy
i catch myself humming them.

a quirky comic

this is how i imagine myself sometimes :)
Extra Ordinary

And I knew that God could not lie. wherefore, my guilt was swept away.

Christmas music :)

i just recently got a Spotify. if you don't have one... i definitely recommend it! i have been working on my christmas playlist :) it's pretty good so you should check mine out. alas! they did not have one of my most-favorite-but-also-highly-obscure christmas songs D: it almost ruined my christmas... almost... but i found a beautiful arrangement of this lovely song by googling it! AHA! (isn't technology just dandy?) so here it is: The Poverty Carol
TADA!
merry christmas every one :)

Lyrics of the Day! Run - Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easy way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

spinning madly on

i know this is kinda cheating cause i already posted this... but i couldn't help it!

 i will dance this with my husband. maybe sing it with him. but it is a dream that will be realized. i might have to grow wings ;) but with him... i don't think it will be that hard.

what it must be like to have missed something. to want to stay in the moment, to go back, but the harder you try to stand still, the faster the rest of the world goes.
this song set itself so deeply in my heart. like a key nuzzled in my heartstrings. and when the song plays and the key turns, it hurts so much, but it also opens something.

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

please me

i try to please everyone, but what's the cost? who do i become? a girl who will lower her standards, who will laugh at anything, who walks the night. am i a girl who says "please more" to please more? who wants me? the real me. the one who flinches at cusses and fingers her hemline - embarrassed - because it's too short. the one who hates when conversations turn for the ugly, but is over-powered by her worldly fingers as they continue to text the words. because they're alluring. people will like you. but wouldn't i please more by being true to me? that's what a true friend would want. isn't it?

my patronus

vast

What am I? in the split second of the eternity backwards and forwards, I exist. All the particles of this earth and millions more just like it make up the number of god’s creations. I am one of those particles. Nothing. Smaller and less important than a penny floating in space. A drop in an ocean millions of times bigger than this world. Who am i? I’m a daughter of god. And despite the vastness of the universe, despite the fact I am just a face among trillions of faces among trillions of things in this universe, Christ loves me more than I understand.

Kelly's New Favorites :D

smelled so sweet like summer in the air

this song makes my heart ache. i love when a song catches your feelings and you connect it with a certain memory or an almost-happening. this is how i feel. trying to find a place, a thought, that can somehow keep you from falling, you still feel detached from everything, but hopeful for a time when what has happened doesn't matter and all you have is you and him.

there is a time for everything, a hope for the future, but to be happy now, we have to say goodbye. and don't you just HATE it? 

this song makes me feel awesome. 

i just adore Mika. there are no words. i want to listen to this song every second of every day.

 

My Older Brother

"May we ever follow the Prince of Peace, who literally showed the way for us to follow, for by doing so, we will survive these turbulent times. His divine plan can save us from the dangers which surround us on every side. His example points the way. When faced with temptation, He shunned it. When offered the world, He declined it. When asked for His life, He gave it." Thomas S. Monson

Holden and I

I have never really liked the book Catcher in the Rye. I always understood why it was banned, but never why it was considered a great work by many people. Then something happened last night that I know I won’t soon forget. There was a moment where the world was shown to me not as I have always seen it, but as it really is. Not through the rosy glasses my mother gave me at birth, not through my hopeful eyes, always searching for the best, but I saw it with the understanding given to someone who is meant to realize something. I saw the darkness more clearly than I ever had before, the doubt and the sin in everyone’s eyes. And I not only wanted to be closer to God, closer to what he wanted, closer to His happiness, closer to my Father, but I also began to feel a love, one that I didn’t understand yet, growing inside me. And I knew I wouldn’t understand until someone was completely mine, until I cared more for someone else than I did for me. Until i had someone I would give my life to save from the darkness of this world. Suddenly, I felt as Holden once did. Wanting to stand next to him in that field, desperately trying to keep others from running off. To help them realize what they were running to, not realizing how great the field was. I wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye.

another awesome place to find things that you didn't know you needed

it's been fun... but i mustache

of all the creations in all the worlds that fill the sky, i was able to meet you. i was able to love you. and as i sit here alone, having conversations with the stars, i ask them if you are sitting somewhere, looking up and thinking of me. i ask if you are lonely as well, missing the time when the stars were the background to our musings. now they only have one heart to watch. a heart that misses one beating beside it. maybe beating a little faster than it should. although the heavens are open above me, although the crickets whisper secrets into the wind, although the grass hums and crackles in the soft warm breeze... your eyes, your touch, your voice, your heart beside mine, is all i want.

here is a list that i agree with. except for #10.

i am separate. the stillness and the silence tears me away from all the things that strain for my attention. i travel closer to the natural things of the world. things closer to my heart because they are closer to the raw, fresh, original version of me. it's not my surroundings, but my decisions that distances me. the choice to pull away and dare to be different.