spinning madly on

i know this is kinda cheating cause i already posted this... but i couldn't help it!

 i will dance this with my husband. maybe sing it with him. but it is a dream that will be realized. i might have to grow wings ;) but with him... i don't think it will be that hard.

what it must be like to have missed something. to want to stay in the moment, to go back, but the harder you try to stand still, the faster the rest of the world goes.
this song set itself so deeply in my heart. like a key nuzzled in my heartstrings. and when the song plays and the key turns, it hurts so much, but it also opens something.

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

please me

i try to please everyone, but what's the cost? who do i become? a girl who will lower her standards, who will laugh at anything, who walks the night. am i a girl who says "please more" to please more? who wants me? the real me. the one who flinches at cusses and fingers her hemline - embarrassed - because it's too short. the one who hates when conversations turn for the ugly, but is over-powered by her worldly fingers as they continue to text the words. because they're alluring. people will like you. but wouldn't i please more by being true to me? that's what a true friend would want. isn't it?

my patronus

vast

What am I? in the split second of the eternity backwards and forwards, I exist. All the particles of this earth and millions more just like it make up the number of god’s creations. I am one of those particles. Nothing. Smaller and less important than a penny floating in space. A drop in an ocean millions of times bigger than this world. Who am i? I’m a daughter of god. And despite the vastness of the universe, despite the fact I am just a face among trillions of faces among trillions of things in this universe, Christ loves me more than I understand.

Kelly's New Favorites :D

smelled so sweet like summer in the air

this song makes my heart ache. i love when a song catches your feelings and you connect it with a certain memory or an almost-happening. this is how i feel. trying to find a place, a thought, that can somehow keep you from falling, you still feel detached from everything, but hopeful for a time when what has happened doesn't matter and all you have is you and him.

there is a time for everything, a hope for the future, but to be happy now, we have to say goodbye. and don't you just HATE it? 

this song makes me feel awesome. 

i just adore Mika. there are no words. i want to listen to this song every second of every day.

 

My Older Brother

"May we ever follow the Prince of Peace, who literally showed the way for us to follow, for by doing so, we will survive these turbulent times. His divine plan can save us from the dangers which surround us on every side. His example points the way. When faced with temptation, He shunned it. When offered the world, He declined it. When asked for His life, He gave it." Thomas S. Monson

Holden and I

I have never really liked the book Catcher in the Rye. I always understood why it was banned, but never why it was considered a great work by many people. Then something happened last night that I know I won’t soon forget. There was a moment where the world was shown to me not as I have always seen it, but as it really is. Not through the rosy glasses my mother gave me at birth, not through my hopeful eyes, always searching for the best, but I saw it with the understanding given to someone who is meant to realize something. I saw the darkness more clearly than I ever had before, the doubt and the sin in everyone’s eyes. And I not only wanted to be closer to God, closer to what he wanted, closer to His happiness, closer to my Father, but I also began to feel a love, one that I didn’t understand yet, growing inside me. And I knew I wouldn’t understand until someone was completely mine, until I cared more for someone else than I did for me. Until i had someone I would give my life to save from the darkness of this world. Suddenly, I felt as Holden once did. Wanting to stand next to him in that field, desperately trying to keep others from running off. To help them realize what they were running to, not realizing how great the field was. I wanted to be a Catcher in the Rye.

another awesome place to find things that you didn't know you needed

it's been fun... but i mustache

of all the creations in all the worlds that fill the sky, i was able to meet you. i was able to love you. and as i sit here alone, having conversations with the stars, i ask them if you are sitting somewhere, looking up and thinking of me. i ask if you are lonely as well, missing the time when the stars were the background to our musings. now they only have one heart to watch. a heart that misses one beating beside it. maybe beating a little faster than it should. although the heavens are open above me, although the crickets whisper secrets into the wind, although the grass hums and crackles in the soft warm breeze... your eyes, your touch, your voice, your heart beside mine, is all i want.

here is a list that i agree with. except for #10.

i am separate. the stillness and the silence tears me away from all the things that strain for my attention. i travel closer to the natural things of the world. things closer to my heart because they are closer to the raw, fresh, original version of me. it's not my surroundings, but my decisions that distances me. the choice to pull away and dare to be different.

found my choir on youtube whilst looking for this song. :D

To Be a Princess

is it the gown and the tiara or something deeper?

For Now

Turning from everything he knew, he ran. shrinking from touch, from talking. why talk to anyone? he saw the faces he saw every day. familiar. smiling. names. personalities. he felt disconnected. he thought seriously about how he answered the casual "how are you?" Fine. was he fine? did he want others to know? could he trust them? give his mind and heart like he did before? no. look what happened. running. running is always good. blurs. eyes closed. wind. breathing hard. he wasn't running away from them. just her. the memory. lingering like her perfume after a long kiss. Then stronger. The memory of empty eyes. The memory of broken, pale, cold.  No. Run. Let the air brush it out. Broken. Dead. No! His legs running from something he couldn't see. Something chasing him. Right on top of him. Collapsing. Sprinklers buzzing, birds chatting, the cars bloated and disfigured colors in the tears. Gone. No! "how are you?" she's attached to the question. "how are you?" I'm fine! but is this fine? asks the voice. This isn't fine. Look at you. head hung. legs give out. grass poking. poking like a question. what to do? for now? for now the ground is sharp. the sun is piercing. the pavement rocky. for now he would run. That's what he knew to do. numb. alone. that's running. as soon as the pain stops, so would he. but for now? run.

the small umbrella in the rain

like wet leaves falling from a tree far too high for me to see, the raindrops soak every inch of me. the world looks different. i'ts plunged underwater. as if it was painted by an artist who has only seen the world through cracks in a blind. then darkness spins the world further into an unrecognizable state. and i am left. the joy of dancing in the splashing water drips off as the cold sinks deeper than my skin. i look up, trying to find the source. all i am greeted with is tears and more tears. they mingle with mine. but then, a small red umbrella bounces along a further path. the owner is familiar to me, even through the incoming blackness. he calls my name and i struggle to tear myself out of the mud sinking around my ankles. it's you. and you pull me close against your dry coat. i look up. the raindrops bounce cheerfully against the waterproof red. the rain is a surrounding beauty again in the safety of my rescuer.

walking the dog - fun.

A Starry Night

By Kevin Baldwin

the ground beneath my feet,
the grass between my toes,
the throne on which i'm seated,
the arms that hold me close,
so i'll admit defeat,
she's all i'll ever want to know

a tired heart

you might have the rest of the world believing that you are beat, but i'm not convinced. you say you are at you lowest, with no hope, all alone. but i know different. i know the world feels like it has fallen upon you and has broken into pieces and all you have to put it back together is your tired and worn out heart. but you have my heart as well. and if ours beat together, this broken world we live in might not seem like such a mess. i will strengthen your heart with mine and then you will know what i know. that you are more than this world. you are deeper than this world makes you feel. and when you awake and turn your eyes inward and see the glow coming off you, you will learn that your heart is enough. your soul is enough. and our two souls and hearts are more than enough. so lets stay close and pick up each piece and maybe in the rubble we will find hearts and souls that beat like ours. and then this broken world won't seem so lonely. maybe it won't even feel so broken